My Sanity
by XxiluvthesunxX
Summary: The trauma of losing Peeta made Katniss forget all about him. All she can do is live in the pain without knowing why. Now broken, can a certain blond victor soothe the pain? - 'You can love someone so much... but you can never love someone as much as you can miss them.' John Green
1. Chapter 1

_What if the rules never changed...again? What if Katniss forgets all traces of Peeta?_

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

_ The world is gray. Always drab. Always washed. Always empty. Everything seems that way now._ I though. The world is worthless and I along feel the same way. How can I live knowing I killed people who could of have wonderful lives? How could I live knowing that I am a murderer? "Hunger Games Victor..." I mummer in dread and hate. "What kind of title is that?"

The soft click of the hospital door interrupted my thoughts. A blue doctor entered the room. When I say blue, I mean B.L.U.E. blue. His skin is tinted a light blue and every strand of his hair on his beard, head, eyebrows, eyelashes were dyed a dark royal blue. Even the whites if his eyes were tattooed blue!

"Hello Ms. Everdeen, I am Dr. Blue." _What a surprise. _As he explained the schedule for today, I just nodded in understatement. Why waste your time explaining this to me? I barely understand the complex vocabulary he used. ''We just need to get you hearing back and you will be per-fect!" I cringed in the doctor's heavy Capitol accent and his strong perfume that smelled similar to Buttercup's pee.

I simply nodded and followed whatever he told me. It really wasn't that bad. The wonderful thing about the Capitol is that their technology and medications don't hurt much. After the day in the hospital, Efﬁe came to pick me up. The car she was driving was a very pink converter. The chairs were layered with soft lamb skin and white cow hide. "Katniss, honey! You look dreadful..." she scowled. _Way to point out the obvious?_ "We must have a beauty treatment today! Come in honey. Come in."

I entered the converter and she immediately sped into the crowd of cars. I'm not overstating anything when I saw Efﬁe is an amazing driver. She can talk, put on emergency lipstick, and still drive in this speed! "Here we are Darling!" Efﬁe sang. "This is my favorite beauty center. Cleo will make you look marvelous, come on now."

Efﬁe led me to a sparkle ﬁlled building. Even the paint of the building was blinding. Women and men dressed in frilly clothes scrambled all over the place. Even dogs were in some of the beds! "Oh my gosh! Is this really THE Katniss Everdeen!?" shrieked a gay,starstrucken sounding voice. A crowd soon swallowed me up. Effie yanked me out of the crowd and dragged into a room. The decoration was extravagant, the way I hate it.

"Hello dear, my name is Cleo." greeted a voice. I turned to see a man dressed in a feathery black outﬁt. Pieces of silver contrasted the common theme of ebony. Either this man was trying to look like a black swan or a distressed crow.

"Hi," I repied. I sounded exhausted and weak. Even I could hear the streaks of fatigue laced in my voice. Cleo smiled warmly and gently escorted me to a room. A metal bed laid in the center of all the machinery and the dreaded bucket of wax. A group of stylists stripped me down and ordered me to lay on the bed. Cleo started to work the machines and a laser was shot at me. I was too tired to protest and eventually feel asleep.

"Katniss? Are you awake?" asked Efﬁe. My eyes immediately ﬂuttered open. Efﬁe's appearance changed big time. Instead of the pink wig she had on earlier, a neon green one replaced it. The rest of her outﬁt and makeup matched the bright array. "You feel asleep so a couple of the stylists there had to carry you back to my car. Thank god for Cleo. He made you look... acceptable"

As my mind came back to reality, I looked around. I was indeed back in Efﬁe's car and was parked by the penthouse that looked similar to the tribute tower. "Where am I?" I asked groggily.

"This will be your new home! Well, in the Capitol when you stay here," informed Efﬁe. "Isn't it wonderful? Hurry up dear, I have an appointment at 7:00 today to meet up with my girlfriends. It is already...say...6:30. Your penthouse is on the twelfth ﬂoor," Efﬁe then handed me a keycard and shouted a goodbye,"Tata!" The convertible shot away, leaving me alone on the sidewalk with people stating holes into me.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

I dragged myself to the elevator and pressed the button for level 12. The doors started to close but just before it did, a hand blocked its way. The doors reopened to reveal a steaming Cato Hunter. His face was contorted in anger and his gigantic hands were balled into a ﬁst. He grunted at me and smashed the button with number two on it. I should be scared but somehow I ﬁnd this scene somewhat amusing.

Cato Hunter was the victor of last year's Hunger Games. He won within 3 days of the games; the fastest ever in history.

As soon as Cato left the elevator, I burst into tiny giggles. My moment of happiness was destroyed by my own thoughts. _What am I thinking? I don't deserve to smile..._

I reach my suite to smell the stench of alcohol. Haymitch was laying on my couch with a bottle of volka in his hands. _Oh Haymitch, you never change._ I thought.

''Welcome home,'' a voice startled me.

''Cinna, what are you doing here?''I asked. I thought this would be my own suite... _I guess I was __wrong. The more the merrier, right?_

''We thought that a celebration would lift your spirits.'' Cinna replied with his signature smile and eye wrinkles. ''However, we didn't count on Efﬁe to take you away,'' he frowned,'' Haymitch, of coarse, got drunk and fell asleep.''

I made small talk with my stylist but excused myself to my room. It had been a long day. Images of the games ﬂickered through my head as I stared absently to the ceiling on my bed. I can see Clove, Rue, Glimmer, and Thresh but there was someone missing; someone important. An excruciating pain swelled inside of me. I feel heartbroken and sorrowful but I.. I can't see the person I weep for. Before I knew it, I spent an hour just staring at the ceiling. Sleep refused to get along with me. Groaning, I got up to get a drink. The Avox outside my room offered to help me but I shook away her help. I desperately needed to move after just laying there.

I requested warm milk from the machine and went to the roof of the Victor's Building. The luminous lighs of the city glowed into the sky, making it impossible to think it was still night. I miss the stars from home. I miss Prim. I even miss Buttercup. Tears drizzled down my face like tiny pearls.

''Can't sleep?'' muttered a voice behind me. ''Get used to it.'' I spun around to see Cato holding a beautiful guitar. He was leaning against a wall whiling humming a tune. I wiped the tears away and walked next to him. My cup of milk was now almost ﬁnished.

''How about you?'' I asked. My voice was strained but I was relieved it did not sound weak.

Cato was silent for a very long time. His ﬁngers continued to strum the guitar but nothing went through his lips. ''Same reason as you,'' he ﬁnally answered. That was all. We were probably staying in the same place for hours in a comfortable silence. There was no awkwardness, just a very warm silence. When the sun ﬁnally came up, Cato stood up and left. I stood there for 10 more minutes letting the morning sun shower me with it's warmth. _When was the last time I felt so safe?_ I wondered. It has been two days since my games ended. I have no words to describe the feelings but just listening to Cato's guitar comforted the conﬂicting feelings within me.


	2. Chapter 2

Effie took me shopping as soon as finished cleaning up. She was so excited... I guess being the escort of a lower district didn't really get her much friends or a prideful job description, until now.

''It's going to such a fun time! Cinna will design all your formal clothes, of coarse, but we need you to get clothes that would suit the capitol. The clothes you brought from home are, well, lets just say unacceptable.'' Effie babbled in the car. She shopped for me for at least 5 hours. I just sat at the big couch in the center of the boutiques and trued on clothes when beckoned to. By the end of the day, I had at least 100 gigantic bags of new clothes, shoes, and accessories.

''Effie? It's fun trying all these clothes for you but do we have to buy more?'' I whined slightly. Fashion is just not for me and shopping was never my forte. Besides, where did Effie get all this money.

Effie seemed to read my mind for she answered,''Come on, just one more stop for a manicure. Besides all this money is just barely 1% of your monthly Victor's winning money.''

My mind was blown. Just barely 1%! How much money is in my account? I made a mental note to ask someone to take me to the bank. I swear, all this money I spent today can feed District 12 for years.

The thought of home pulled at my heart. I missed it so much. After hours in the spa and getting a manipedi, Effie finally brought me home.

"How was it?" Haymitch laughed. I glared at him with daggers that would have missed him anyways. My body was exhausted and Haymitch wasn't helping. "I'll bet being with Effie for 24 hours is a hundred times worse than being in the games."

My body grew stiff and miraculously, a wave of strength filled me. "No! Nothing can ever be more painful than the games." I huffed and ran to the roof. Tears lined my eyes and soon everything was blurry.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

I lazily opened my eyelids. This pain was the same as when I got out the Games; a sharp jab in my head.

''Finally awake?'' grumbled a husky, wonderful voice. I smiled as I recognized the sound.

''Cato? What happened?'' I asked. I can't remember anything since I fell on the roof. I looked around and saw that I was in a pretty large, fluffy bed. The room was fairly neat but still messy in the eyes of a girl. I pouted at the mess in the corner of the room.

He sat down at the end of my bed and asked,''Do you ever feel you lost something precious?''

I looked at my hands and sighed. ''I don't know. I feel empty. I feel gray. I don't feel like me.''

''Well, all that comes from being a Victor. I just went to the roof like any other day and I saw you blacked out. Since I'm sure your escort would probably freak if I brought you back so I brought you to my place. It's not bad being neighbors you know...'' He grinned at me for a flash but it was soon replaced by it's usual scowl.

I nodded and climbed out of bed so matter how much my body urged me to stay put.'' Well thanks, I guess I'll go back know.'' I tried to walk out the door but I tripped over my own feet. I started fall and I got ready for the impact. My eyes were shut closed and my hands were prepared to land on the floors but after several seconds I felt nothing.

Cato's arms were circled around my waist. He looked sort of panicked and I ghostly smiled at his face. ''Be careful, geez.''He growled under his breath.

''I'm sorry for bothering you,'' I genuinely apologized._ When was the last time I did that_?

He sighed and picked me up bridal style. I squirmed and tried to get out of his embrace. ''What! What are you doing?'' I shouted, surprised. He glared at me and ordered me to shut up. Cato pressed the button for the elevator and went on. He turned to use my feet to press number twelve. Before I knew it, I was back in my penthouse to be greeted by the surprised faces of Haymitch and Effie.

''She couldn't keep falling,'' he explained. Cato then dropped me on the couch and left without a word.


End file.
